Saturday, February 13, 2016

White Flag

I know that it’s been a long while since I was on here last…back when we only had 2 kiddos. I have a lot to share (like introducing you all to our newest family member, sharing the birth story, writing about my imminent return to work after maternity leave), but today I really need some input. This territory is dangerous…but I’m going there anyway. (Is it anyway or anyways?)

I’m looking for recommendations.
On parenting.
(Now picture me with a grimace on my face knowing that I can’t take it back. I’ve asked for it. Yikes.)

I’ll start with the positive.
I love my 3 kiddos and am thankful for each of them.
Miss S and Mr. C have done great with the transition to being bigs, 2nd time around for Miss S and 1st time around for Mr. C.
The bigs both do good/great with their behavior at preschool.
They are really polite kiddos.

Also, some qualifiers…
I know that they have been through some major transitions (as has the whole family – but considering their ages, their lives have been in transition longer than us adults) over the last 1.5 years.

I know that Mr. C is 2.5 and that age can be *difficult*.

Yes, I know that having 3 kiddos, especially all under the age of 5, can be challenging.

But, I have days where I’m seriously at the point where I’m ugly angry.

I hate that feeling.

I hate those moments of such immense frustration over things that may or may not be really significant. The [fill in the blank] that pushes my emotions over (splash in the tub, sound of duplos being dumped out of their box for the 15th time, tattling for the 6th time about behavior that isn’t life threatening).

Spitting, yelling, scratching, pinching, hitting, throwing, sassing.

(Them, not me.)

I know that people reading this may be thinking:
1. You have 3 under 5, so … chuckle … good luck.
2. Um, yeah. You have 3 kids under 5. Did you think about all of this before jumping on the pregnancy bandwagon?
3. I have angels for children and have no idea what you’re talking about.
4. Are you sure you wanted to ask for advice?
5. I understand. I’m right there with you.
6. I’ve been there, done that, and I can say that I survived.

For those of you thinking 5 or 6, I’d love to hear from you. ;-)

What would be helpful is
General commiseration
and…
Recommendations
     Are there resources you have found to be helpful/not helpful with parenting?
     What strategies do you use that are effective for your kiddos?
and
Prayers…for guidance in being the best mama to my kiddos and peace of mind as I go back to work.


My goal is to see about writing another post within the next few months, if not sooner. ;-) But, considering the above…

6 comments :

  1. I had those moments and I only had 2 kiddos. I still look on those days with guilt. #1 was 2 3/4 and difficult. But I also expected too much from her in terms of behavior. Not sure I have any advice. Sleep deprivation and not allowing myself time off were not helpful. But I am always amazed at their unconditional love for me when I've made mistakes. I know I love them unconditionally but I didn't really expect that in return.

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  2. I had those moments and I only had 2 kiddos. I still look on those days with guilt. #1 was 2 3/4 and difficult. But I also expected too much from her in terms of behavior. Not sure I have any advice. Sleep deprivation and not allowing myself time off were not helpful. But I am always amazed at their unconditional love for me when I've made mistakes. I know I love them unconditionally but I didn't really expect that in return.

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  3. My ten year old son asked me last night what age was my favorite as he has grown (as if ten years old makes my parenting all done.) I reflected with trepidation at most of his life between ages 1-4, wondering about his latent memories of my meltdowns, throat soaring yelling at him and my less than perfect modeling of impatience, frustration and downright anger and I had only the one child! I remembered looking for support from my folks who were always so practical and my friends who had older children that were well adjusted, good in school, and polite and not a one of them told me anything that ever seemed to have the immediate remedy to being a parent. I hear a lot of "it will be fine" but I constantly worried that I might be the parent whose kid would not be fine. Or worse....these devoted friends and family had no idea of the evil demon parent I could become when my willful three year old locked down into a hitting fit over eating carrots or being given the wrong shirt to wear. I was sure that I was a worse parent than any of them and that it was a matter of time before my son would be on a bell tower with an AK47 screaming about the scarring his parents did him as a preschooler. But K-he is ten and I am starting to reap the benefits of endurance. He is in a high abilities class at school with rave behavioral reviews from his teacher. He randomly took up the cello two years ago and is dedicated to practicing every day. He has been a Cub Scout of his own volition for four years. (I'm not much of the minivan, run my kids to stuff I hate mom) He is articulate and capable of communicating with adults and with peers in a polite, kind manner and I get feedback from strangers all the time that he behaves in unexpectedly mature ways. He has lot of friends, loves the outdoors, shovels his grandpas driveway after Indiana snow and gives to his temple each week without prompting. He's not perfect and he is not done but I do know that persistence paid off. Its not magic techniques, at least not for me but it was people telling me to hang in there, use what you've got and keep trying to be better. So count me in the "you'll be fine category"

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    Replies
    1. Angela - thank you so much for sharing your "wisdom." It warmed my heart that you had read this post & written a heartfelt comment. It really helps to know I'm not alone, that other people have survived this journey and are at least 8 years further along in life and still able to compose eloquent sentences. (And that your son is thriving, too).

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  4. Well, I only had two, daughters who were 3 1/2 years apart. Despite the brutality of their parents' stringent discipline in ridiculously unimportant situations such as spilled milk, they are both wonderful adults. They are conscientious, honest, responsible individuals who live their lives with integrity and, most importantly, faith.

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