Managing Anxiety. Or Attempting. Part 1.

I've missed my blog, but even more, I've missed having the time to blog. Learning a new job, new city, navigating that new city and surrounding cities, settling kiddos into a new preschool, moving 2 times in 3 months...these are all good problems to have, but they definitely take time for adjustment. I've thought of so many things that I'd like to blog, but I went from working 3 12 hour shifts/week (usually more like 5 12 hour shifts every 2 weeks because I often had the luxury of asking for low work load, aka a bonus day off when our unit was overstaffed) to working 5 days a week for a month which then shifted to 4 days a week. The biggest change is that I went from being able to "leave" work at the hospital (except for when I would mentally process my day on the way home or in the shower and remember something I forgot to do, which I then could call a coworker and know that whatever I forgot to do was on another person's to do list) to bringing work home. Eventually I will ideally get most of my work finished between 8 am and 5 pm. That's the plan. For now, not so much. But, I'm working on staying afloat.

Saying Goodbyes

I only have five shifts left at the only hospital where I've been a certified nursing assistant then a patient care technician and finally a registered nurse.

It was all a dream 7 years ago.

I was working in Washington state as a development associate (aka fundraiser) when I realized that I needed to do something else.

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In high school, I wrote my first research paper on the destruction of rain forests in the Amazon.

That was it.

Humbled

Do you know someone who has an amazing upbeat personality & positive outlook? Not just an at-the-surface pretending to be happy, but someone who emits happiness? Beyond that, she's someone who doesn't annoy you with her positive attitude. It's truth. It's beauty. It isn't sugar-coated. It's just who she is.

I wish I were that woman. I really work to portray a positive attitude. My viewpoint has always been that I want to portray a positive, happy, warm, and caring attitude. Each day I am consciously aware of not wanting to be negative. I attempt (most of the times) to hold in my negativity because I really believe it pulls other people down (and me). I want to help buoy others, not pull them under. But underneath it all, I have my grey side. Melancholy. Sadness. Perfection. People-pleaser. 

As a nurse, I've often wondered what kind of patient I would be. I have patients who I would hope to emulate, but really you never know until it's you in the hospital bed. 

Friday Nightlife (Working Mama Style) #30daysIBTP

Today's (this week's) highlights...

I got to meet a professional football player while he was committing a(n) (un)random act of kindness. Warmed my heart & gave me goosebumps.

Miss S has an imaginary friend - Anna (pronounced AHHna). She's small enough to fit in Miss S's hand, but isn't little. According to Miss S, she's big. Grandma even gave Anna kisses and hugs at bedtime.

Mr. C is 13 months. Today. How did that happen?? Even though I'm sometimes thankful that time moves quickly, I wish it would slow down for my kiddos. I can't believe he's 13 months! He isn't walking yet but is saying words and pointing (da for dog, mama, dada, nana for grandma) and moved up to the Twaddler classroom (where he sits at a little table in a little chair & sleeps on a cot. How cute is that?!)

I had a busy but good day at work & am enjoying my new short do. Plus, I got to bed before 11 pm last night. It felt great.

Who needs more excitement than that, right?

Good night, y'all. Have a wonderful weekend!

Why Hello, June

Another month has flown by. The month of June is stretched in front of me, and I feel uneasy.

I worked on Friday and Saturday, and both days were busy - Saturday left me feeling like a mush ball. It was a strange day with patient issues that I don't normally encounter on our unit (rehabilitation). As my track coach always said (yes, Nietzsche said it first), what does not kill me makes me stronger. One of my coworkers told me that she proud of how I kept my calm & didn't seem flustered through it all. It felt like a final exam or initiation before entering the next "grade" as a nurse. I'm glad I made it through and am praying that tomorrow is uneventful.

I really, really, really love my job as a rehabilitation nurse. I work with patients who have experienced strokes, car & motorcycle accidents, and other traumatic injuries. Patients stay on our unit for a longer time which means we have a different type of relationship with patients and family members. We see patients progress and get stronger. Our patients become each others' temporary communities, and these relationships are so important to the healing process.

Right now we have the gentlemen's club - each member has experienced a brain injury (stroke/bleed) and is in a different stage of mobility/cognition/healing. They warm my heart, and it will be really hard to say goodbye to each of them. They are the reason that I love my job.

I also love my patients who've experienced other brain injuries (from a fall, car or motorcycle accident, or physical trauma).
But, some days are more trying than others.
Like yesterday.
A day where I made it through by grace and with the help of coworkers.
Despite feeling like I was on a roller coaster on Saturday, it wasn't a downward plummet.
I had great moments with patients. Moments that made me smile and brought true joy to my day. Some of those moments with the same patients that were my hardest struggles.
Welcome to the world of being a nurse. Especially a rehab nurse.